Can I Get Water with That?

Today's blog will be a gripe. A complaint. A complete whine-down from me about my on-going pet peeve. Here it comes.

I pay my taxes and I feel that the government owes me drinking water that is consumable. By me.

Please allow me to explain.

About a year and a half ago, I discovered that I had developed a mysterious oral condition. I asked my dentist to take a look at it. The skin on the inside of my mouth was peeling on a daily basis. The dentist was baffled and she offered to send me to a specialist.

While I considered that option, I tried a number of things. I had been drinking Los Angeles tap water. I mixed in Crystal Lite Lemonade drink mix to kill the noxious flavor. I thought perhaps it was a reaction to citrus and citric acid, so I dropped the Crystal Lite.

My mouth continued to peel. After ruling out citric acid, I tried bottled water. Sometimes the burning, peeling, blistering and swelling would stop. Then I'd buy a different brand of water (I have no brand loyalty. I bought whatever was cheap and convenient.) and it would start again. I finally settled on good old Kirkland, the Costco house-brand in Los Angeles, which seemed to fix the problem.

Let me point out, I don't like the idea of bottled water for a number of reasons. First, because I grew up on a farm, drinking Artesian well water, and I don't want to be so prissy that I buy water.

Second, I have seen the figures on plastic in the environment and basically, it seems that buying water in bottles is causing us to fill up our landfills. Third, it annoys me that I pay my taxes that are supposed to include surcharges for water and I feel it is implicit in government's compact with taxpayers that drinkable water is a right in this country. And fourth, I'm cheap.

For all of those reasons and the backache that lugging it home and into the house gives me, I'm bugged.

Then there's the fact that every time I arrive in a new place, the hunt is on for drinkable water. I have to try a succession of products, since different locations use different bottling companies with unsleuthable "standards." In many cases, as we know, the source of many bottled waters is, in fact, local municipal water systems.

And sure, they "filter" it, but who knows what that really means?

So after unsuccessfully starting out with Deer Park water, which produced a sore tongue and swollen lips (Oh. Did I forget to mention that it makes my lips puffy and "bee-stung"
so while the mouth is in agony, it looks great: cherry red, puffy and tender.) within a few days. I moved on to Crystal Geyster Natural Alpine Spring Water, and a few days later, "the spring water" helped me add blistering at the corners of the mouth to my symptom list.

I brought home a case of Dasani tonight. I bought a 24 pack of 16 ounce bottles. If that sounds like a decent supply, I should also explain that's another side effect: my saliva glands swell, shut down and I'm stuck permanently with a dry mouth. So while the water causes pain, swelling and bloat, it also brings on extreme thirst.

So here I am, sucking down a bottle of Dasani ("bottled at Coca Cola Inc., in Howard, PA") hoping that tomorrow, I won't long for quite as many bottles... and growing more ticked off by the drop. Thank you for listening.

Anybody wanting to start a tax revolt over water, please speak up. Until then, this will be my parched plea:

"Water!"

A Spot of Semantics...

"The financial markets were roiling today..."

"Car sales numbers roiled the markets today."

Do you know what the word 'roil' means? As in to roil someone beyond their ability to tolerate? It's one of those words you almost never hear except when the economy is in trouble or the markets are being rocketed up or down by some particular news or event.

Roil:–verb (used with object)
1. to render (water, wine, etc.) turbid by stirring up sediment.
2. to disturb or disquiet; irritate; vex: to be roiled by a delay. –verb (used without object)
3. to move or proceed turbulently.
4. when a nearby member of the British House of Winsor sneezes on you. You can accurately then describe yourself as having been roiled.

Didn't we all learn about such words in journalism class? I took Journalism 101 for Broadcast majors where we learned that "yes, those words are available for use." But we were also told that the big words, the "$40 words," were best left for the folks in print. The reason for that of course, is because in a newscast the viewer (usually) can't go back and re-listen to the information. It's a one-time offering on our stories, therefore the information must be easily understood instead of full of sticking points.

Or snobbery. Who talks like that? People who went to schools where their education cost half the operating budget of a small Third World country and they rightfully want to make sure everyone around them knows it.

I'm for everybody knowing who bought what in a college education and all, but... isn't the use of such words also a bit divisive? It drives a wedge between the people in the Ivory Towers and the people in the plain states. And the Plains States, for that matter.

How can we wonder why the viewers are leaving us behind if we're not talking to them, but instead intentionally talking over their heads? If we direct our stories at the lofty few who understand what we're saying, can we really be surprised when the rest of the people get up and leave the room?

I'm not suggesting we need to talk down to viewers, but since most people (including the well-educated among us) don't use the R-word in every day conversation, should we be using it at all when communicating on television? I always heard that good manners were best defined as 'the art of making others feel comfortable.' Since we've always used the metaphor of being invited into someone's living room to describe the evening newscast, perhaps we need to remember our manners?

If we want to advertise the impressiveness of our education, we should stick to annoying, er, informing those in our immediate circle and perhaps post it somewhere on the Internet. That would allow our fans easy access to such information and at the same time, give others the opportunity to understand what the devil we are talking about.

By the way, I attended a small private university in the West. I graduated with 5 cents to my name and no debt. And yes, I do know how to use roiled in a sentence. (See definition #4 above. And see "Sucking Viewers In:" over under my picture on the left.)

"I went to London a few years back, but didn't see any opportunities to get roiled."